A new month, a new season, finishing the school year

At my baby shower, I remember my wonderful cousin Renee telling me that everything is a stage with kids. They will go through tough stages and will get past them. Then they will go through more tough stages and get past those. This is really helpful to remember when you're going through a tough stage. The end of April and beginning of May was rough for Mason. I have no idea why, but he was in a bad place. His teacher at school even asked if there was a change at home because he was having such a rough time at school. He would have many meltdowns...see the picture of the goose egg from hitting his head during a meltdown. 

Mason also started getting really clingy to me in the mornings before I left for work, which made a hard to leave the house. He had a bunch of major meltdowns at his OT appointments. One was so bad that we couldn't leave until 15 minutes after the appointment was over. He's getting so big that his meltdowns are hard to contain. We were getting hit a lot and he bit his OT pretty hard. It was a rough month. I felt pretty exhausted and disheartened. I felt like we took two steps back from the progress we were making. I felt like he would never talk or be able to communicate with me. I felt overwhelmed because we were trying so many ways to help him and nothing seemed to make a difference.

I knew it was a stage although it didn't make the rough days go any faster. His sleep is always all over the place. He goes to bed really well but can sometimes be up for hours before falling asleep or up for hours in the middle of the night. He doesn't ever call for us or cry, so I really have no idea when he is awake. I only notice when I wake up to feed Jonas in the middle of the night. We started him on melatonin a few weeks ago. It worked like a charm the first four nights! I think this helped Mason get out of his funk. Unfortunately, it stopped working. We are now just giving it to him around once a week although I think I need to up the dosage too.

Now the last few weeks have been awesome! Mason has been melting down less over little things. He has been talking a lot more. I've heard many random new words and a few two word phrases! It's interesting because we have said certain words to him for years, but he's never said them or tried to say them. We have no idea if he even knows certain words, but then he will just throw one out there. Today as we were driving to Meijer past the mall, he started melting down and saying, "Mall. mall." We go to the mall a lot to play there and always tell him we are going to the mall, but this is the first time he has actually said it. Last week, he went swimming in the hot tub with Uncle Jason, Bo, Helen, and daddy. He said, "Hi Jay." He's never said his uncle Jason's name before. This type of thing has been happening a lot lately, which is super exciting!

He's been just his overall happy, goofy self. It's hard not to smile when you are around him in this mood. When he gets his sleep and when he gets what his body needs sensory-wise, he is able to do so much more. He has been back to his usual self at school the last two weeks. He has been great at his last few OT appointments. Most of the appointments are with the lights off, but we go with whatever works! Mason has let the OT work on his feet and transitioning better at appointments. He's starting to try to pull the Velcro strap on his shoes, help pull his pants down, help put his socks on, climb into his car seat himself, etc. These are things he did not notice or would not help with a few months ago. He even likes to grab his shoes (and hat even though it was 80 degrees) when we are going outside. 

We are enjoying this stage he's in right now and hoping it lasts a long time. I have one more week of teaching before summer break. This summer break is filled with appointments for Mason. He will have his weekly OT appointments and may add some more intensive sessions. He will be going to summer school at his preschool for five random weeks throughout the summer. We have an intake assessment for speech therapy at the same place he goes to his OT appointments. He usually gets speech services at school, but since he won't have a lot of school this summer, we are going to add this for him. We also have an intake assessment for ABA therapy. We will see how often those appointments are. It'll be crazy busy, but hopefully we can help our Mason make some big gains.

We cannot thank our family and friends enough for their help with everything. My parents both drive Mason to school most of the days of the week. Our sister-in-law, Erin, watches our two boys at our house while we work. Patti still watches both boys one day a week. Thank you all for your help with Mason's transition to preschool this winter and spring. We are ready for the start of summer!

5 ways Mason has made me a better person

When I dreamt of being a mom, I never dreamt of my child having autism. In fact, I was scared of it. Although Mason's autism diagnosis is new, we have been through a lot in the past year trying to figure him out and how to parent him. I may not have dreamt of my child having autism, but I have definitely become a better person and a better mom because of it.

Reason #1:  I worry less about the judgement of other people and other parents.

This is probably one of the most freeing things a mom can gain. I've always struggled with caring too much with what others think of me. Zach says I'm like Rachel and he's like Phoebe in this Friends clip: https://youtu.be/6HuqNdQJSTY?t=1m50s

So many people and parents are specifically judgmental about parenting. There are even parody videos about how judgmental other moms and dads can be because of all the different parenting opinions. Many people may judge how I parent Mason when they see us in public. In fact, today in Meijer I'm sure others were judging us. I would have if I didn't know us. Mason was loud. Loud when he was happy and loud when he was mad. I absolutely love his happy sounds, but they aren't exactly normal sounding for a three and a half year old. While he hugs a Lucky Charms box, I will continue saying, "They're magically delicious," so he squeals with happiness loudly because loud, happy squeals are better than loud, angry screams. I will continue to stay calm and firmly say "no" when he hits during a tantrum because I know that yelling/spanking doesn't work with him. I will squeeze him tightly and awkwardly in the middle of the aisles because I know it helps calm him with all the sensory stimuli going on around him. I will calmly, kindly ask another person if I can go first at the deli counter because my son is insanely tantruming in the cart. Now don't get me wrong, I don't enjoy the fact that I'm sure people are looking at us like we need to get our child under control. The good thing is that I don't worry about it anymore, and that is so much more valuable to me.

Reason #2: I have more confidence in my parenting abilities than I thought I would.

I was actually worried about this issue before I had kids. I remember hearing advice at my baby shower to trust your own judgement and don't get caught up in following everyone's  parenting advice. I was never a baby person and didn't babysit, so I felt like I had no idea what I was doing as a mom. I thought I would feel overwhelmed by all the opinions of others, but I have gained confidence while parenting Mason. When you have an autistic child, you truly know him/her better than anyone. As the saying goes, "When you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism." While experts and therapists give so many helpful tips and teaching moments (more than I could ever dream to teach Mason), I know that I know Mason more. I can recognize his triggers before they even happen. I can help calm him better than others. This has also pushed me to have enough confidence to ask for help when I need it. Too many times we don't have the confidence to know we need others. I've also been able to be honest and vulnerable when others help us instead of feeling shamed to ask for help when my child wasn't measuring up. I definitely have many moments where I have a lot of doubt, but when the situation passes, I remember how far we have come with Mason. If we hadn't had Mason, I may have struggled to have confidence when others looked like they were parenting better because their kid was better behaved. I think all parents should be able to have this confidence in themselves even when their child may not do everything they want them to do.

Reason #3: I don't have to have everything perfect and under my control.

I like to be a perfectionist and be in control of everything. I like to solve problems and make everything better.   That makes parenting a child with autism difficult because I can't be in control of everything, and I can't fix this tough disability that Mason has to overcome. I have learned that no matter what parenting method you choose or whatever article you follow about parenting, you can't control your child. Sure, you can control your own choices about how you parent, and it may work for your kids. That doesn't mean it will work for every kid and family. I have been able to let go and accept that we are doing the absolute best we can for our sons with what we have. It's not perfect or under my control, but it's something I can be proud of doing.

Reason #4: I don't base my love or pride in my child based on his achievements.

I think love should be based on who a person is instead of what they do. So often we fear failure because we only love ourselves when we accomplish something. Unfortunately, this can get passed on to our own kids. Facebook sometimes seems like it's all about touting accomplishments. I'm guilty of it too! It's one thing to share how great your accomplishment is to your close friends, but why do we need the approval of hundreds of friends? Unfortunately so often we feel good about ourselves when others see the good things we do or our kids do. How many times do we see fb statuses or hear people say, "My child did ___ when he was only ___ months!" While I understand how exciting that may be, it's a phrase that immediately compares achievements based on what most kids don't do. What does that say about another a kid who doesn't achieve like yours? Now I don't think that we should stop talking about our kids achievements because parents should be proud of that. I'm saying that I've learned to be proud of my kid for having grit (that's for you coworkers). He has to overcome a lot of neurological miscommunications in his body just to try to speak a word or to get his motor skills working like they should. The more I learn about autism, the more I understand how difficult it must be to learn with all the distractions and sensory overload. Seeing how happy and resilient our Mason is most of the time gives me something to be proud of!

Reason #5: I have learned appreciate the little things.

It's so easy to tell our friends and family, "I love you." Three little words. I can't tell you how I long to hear this from my son. I believe that some day he will learn to speak or communicate the words, "I love you." Honestly, I sometimes feel insanely jealous when I hear other kids Mason's age talk to their parents. What I would give to hear any thought that goes through Mason's head! That being said, those feelings have pushed me to appreciate a lot of little things. Every time Mason comes to me for a hug, my heart smiles. Every time Mason looks me in the eye and gives me his fruit snack or milk, I can't help but eat it even if it's filled with slobber. I appreciate every new word that Mason says. I love hearing his voice. I appreciate every calm, happy moment because I know it can flip any second. I can't help but appreciate so many of the amazing things Mason brings to my life. I know I am a better person because I am his mom.