Mason's Smiles

Mason's Smiles

Monday, December 22, 2014

Why the kittens have been awesome for Mason

5. Distraction
When Mason gets his mind set on certain things, there are not a lot of ways to change it unless you want a 30 minute insane tantrum. It's really not fun setting boundaries for him (true for most toddlers!). There are a few high value distractions that sometimes work: Mickey Mouse, seeing grandpa Ron and grandma Ginny, chocolate milk, fruit snacks, and the kittens!  It's nice having another high value distraction that doesn't have to rely on TV, people who may not be home, or sugary drinks/food.



4. Slowing down and noticing
One thing all of Mason's therapists talk about is helping Mason slow down enough to notice the world around him. He walks on his toes and his vision is usually looking upwards instead of around, which causes him to be clumsy and to not notice where he walks. Mason is also not very aware of how he could hurt other people by stepping on them or hitting them too hard.  Since the kittens are of high value to him, he tends to notice when they are on the ground around him.  He wants them to stay by him, so he is learning that if he steps on them, they will run away.  He is also figuring out how to touch them more gently.  This helps him TREMENDOUSLY.  We were at his daycare Christmas party with a lot of other people, I watched him notice multiple people on the ground and he walked around him.  This may seem like a little thing, but with a new baby brother coming, we need him to notice people on the ground. Obviously, his other therapies have also helped him in this area, but I really think the kittens have made a big difference.





3. Lower stress
There have been many studies about the emotional benefits of having a pet.  I know that having pets have always made me happier.  Since Mason's physical body is under constant stress, these kittens always bring out Mason's happy voice.  If I hear Mason jabbering from another room, I can tell if he is "talking" to the cats.  He has a certain happy voice that he only uses with them.  The other day, my wonderful friends from Minnesota were visiting and pushing him on the swing. The kittens were sitting on a table directly in view. For a good 5-10 minutes, he happily said "Kiiiiii" over and over again. It made it hard to talk with my friends, but it makes my heart happy to hear him be so happy.



2. Communication
Every time we see a person or leave a person, I still try to get him to acknowledge or say hi/bye to them. He does it sometimes. We ask him to point to things or name objects, he sometimes does it. Whenever we ask him to point to the cat's nose or something else about the cat, he always does it. He always says "hi" to the kittens and sometimes tries to give them milk from his sippy cup. It's awesome to see consistent communication!



1.  Love
What is more important that giving your child something to love? One of Mason's therapists said that for him (and others like him) animals can be easier to be around because there are less confusing expectations and emotions for him to deal with. I love that he has two kittens that bring him such joy, comfort, and love.



Sunday, December 21, 2014

December McCurdy update = stress, commitment, development, STRESS, anticipation

December has been a busy month for us.  I've been really exhausted, so the goal was just to make it through healthy.  Unfortunately, Zach got the flu and was sick for almost a week.  On top of that, my blood pressure rose.  Since I had preeclampsia was Mason as well as a second trimester miscarriage, we were obviously quite stressed about it.  It rose high enough where I had to go into the hospital. Thankfully, it lowered enough to be discharged and my other labs showed that I did not reach the danger zone for preeclampsia. I've been laying low to try to keep myself and baby boy healthy.  My doctor's appointment and ultrasound in two days will hopefully show that things are still going well.

Mason only had one speech appointment before our speech therapist had her baby and left on maternity leave. She is really pushing us to use more pictures/visuals with him.  One of the hardest things in communicating with Mason is to help him mentally prepare and comprehend situations when his verbal communication is quite low.  He loves routine because it helps him makes sense of this world that his body and mind can't make sense of, but unfortunately, life does not work as a perfect routine. It's hard to know what he has mentally prepared in his head, so it's hard to predict when he will have a melt down because his mind was thinking something different.  For example, we went to Costco this morning instead of our usual Meijer routine.  As soon as we turn in the parking lot, it was major meltdown. We had told him that we were going to Costco, but he didn't comprehend it until we were in the parking lot. Using pictures could help us and him with this communication gap. The technique hasn't felt very successful with Mason yet, but I need to push myself to keep working on it.  As with any technique, repetition is key.  I sometimes see his therapist keep repeating a phrase or action, and I think, "There's no way he is understanding or following through with this." For example, Mason would try to climb a ladder with a ball in his hand every week, and she would repeatedly tell and show him to give it to her before trying to climb.  He never followed through. This week he finally gave the ball to her before trying to climb.  It may have taken months for a simple task, but repeating things verbally and visually is so key to helping him.

Mason had rough OT appointment at the beginning of the month, but he ended on a good note with both OTs.  He was really just disregulated for no real reason at the appointments.  Sometimes I can figure out that he is disregulated because he is tired, hungry, had a different idea in his head, etc.  He was just off.  He didn't really follow through with his ideas and wouldn't listen to other ideass. That means that he wouldn't really play with anything well, which can make it difficult to have a productive therapy session.  One of our OTs said that there have been such big steps in his communication that it can cause some disregulation because he of big changes.  He has also been asserting his independence and voice more, which is great developmentally but not nice with his regulation.  The OT place where he always has a meltdown just changed buildings.  Overall, he is doing much better with new buildings and places.  He is still nervous but does not have major meltdowns. I think the change of buildings was really good for him.  I wonder if he was always triggered with negative feelings at the old building, so he was able to create a new normal at the new building.  Hoping that we are continuing on a good wave of appointments after the new year starts.

The absolutely BIGGEST stressor for Zach and I right now is Mason starting preschool.  It is a change in almost every routine that Mason currently has in place.  He only be going to his current daycare one day a week.  Zach and my mom will be transporting him to and from preschool on those days. My amazing sister-in-law will be bringing her two kids to our house and will be watching Mason the other four days of the week.  He will also be riding on the bus to his preschool these days. Because there is no way to communicate these HUGE changes in routine to Mason, I know this will be VERY hard for him.  He will be on the bus for around 50 minutes each way. Honestly, I cry whenever I think about it, and I'm not a big crier.  He is familiar with his school since we have been taking him there for speech therapy sessions.  He has met his teacher and parapros, but he does not know them.  I am confident that this will be a great experience for him, and he will grow so much.  I am so excited about that.  I am absolutely torn up inside about watching him be so confused and upset about it all in the beginning. It's painful for any parent knowing their child is in pain (physically or emotionally) without being able to do anything about it.  That's how I feel about January.  I hope he adapts to the changes quickly and then looks forward to his new routine because having a new baby brother will be another rough transition for him.

Thanks for checking in with us. We are taking everything day by day!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

OT, Orthotics, 3 year well visit, Oils, and Pictures

Here are some pictures to start.  Mason loved sitting in this cubby in my dollhouse that I had growing up.  He was so happy and comfortable here that he pointed and said "hi" to everyone in the room...even our Canadian guests. (=

These are some brave kittens because about 10 seconds after the picture, Mason tried to get them in the bathtub with him.
 Laying by Yoda.
 Ninja tv watching Mason.
 Cute Yoda!! (Thanks for taking the pictures Joelle)

 This kid gets so much exercise while watching Mickey.

Mason's appointment schedule has been a little off in the last week or two.  Last week, his speech and OT appointment were canceled because of the snow.  He did have his second OT appointment where my dad came to the appointment.  The OT commented that Mason is so different depending on who is there with him.  Mason was very engaged in playing throughout the appointment.  He was not very good at settling down and letting her do some body work with him. This is not something she ever pushes because it's important for him (and anyone) to be able to communicate that you don't want someone touching you. We were able to talk through some things though.  One way we engage with Mason all the time is wrestling and tickling.  Because his body needs input, he loves it.  She had an interesting thought about tickling him.  Since his body and reflexes are off in how it responds to a lot of touches, tickling may confuse his brain more in how it is supposed to respond.  All the body work includes purposeful, routine movements on him.  This is supposed to create a specific response, which it usually does.  If we tickle him, it can throw his brain off in knowing how to response because it is not purposeful.  It was an interesting thought that we have been processing.  I probably did not explain it nearly as good as she explained it to me, but this is what I understood from her. (=

He does not have any of his three appointments this week because of Thanksgiving and therapists taking vacation.  He did see an orthotic doctor from Mary Free Bed yesterday.  The doctor is so great because he came to Mason's preschool to meet with him and other students.  The doctor, his school physical therapist, and his speech therapist (who came in on her vacation to be there Mason!!) were all in the room for the appointment. It's was an awesome opportunity because Mason is familiar and comfortable in his school now, and Mason behaved perfectly!!  He allowed the doctor to trace his foot and try on different orthotic sizes on him. He even wanted to include all of us in his play by pulling everyone over to where he was playing.  It was so awesome to see him engage with two brand new people without any prompting.  He played as we were all discussing options for his orthotics. The goal for the orthotic is to give him arch support to help his overall balance as well as preventing him from toe walking.  If he continues to toe walk too much, the tendon in his calf may not grow as long as it should, and he may need to have surgery/casts to repair it.  They did not want to give Mason too stiff of an orthotic (that goes all the way up his leg) because it is really important for Mason to experience all the sensations and reflexes of the foot movement.  He needs to learn how to make sense of these sensations, so if an orthotic takes the sensations away, it can be detrimental to his sensory processing.  Who knew there was so much to think about with feet?!?  They decided to do a thin bilateral orthotic insert (to give the support) with a thin carbon plate on top (to stop toe walking). We will also have to get two sets of tennis shoes (one for inside and one for outside) with a removable insert, so we can put the orthotic inside. We will get a call next week letting us know how much it will cost and how much our insurance will cover. Fingers crossed that our insurance covers most of all of it!

Here is one part of the sensory room at Mason's school.  What kid wouldn't want to play here?

He also had his 3 year well-visit appointment with his pediatrician yesterday.  We have not been to his pediatrician since his 2 year well-visit since all of his evaluations have been done through the school district.  Just a few things to update them about. (=  Mason was perfectly behaved at this appointment as well!!  He weighs 38 pounds (95th percentile) and is 38 inches tall (75th percentile). She said that physically he looks really healthy. I updated the doctor on everything going on with Mason and what therapies we have in place. She asked about potty training, which I said was something I have no clue how to do with him since he has trouble communicating many needs and would sit in his poop for days without noticing. She gave me the name of a book about potty training developmentally delayed children and thinks we can do it before he is 4. I think that'll be my summer project. (=  We also need to take him to the dentist in the next year...another experience I am not looking forward to, but she gave me the names of some great pediatric dentists that work with all kinds of kids. The biggest part of the appointment is that she strongly recommended going to Devos Children's Hospital to get him tested for autism. She said that it takes approximately a year to get in for the testing, so starting the referral process now is really important. Getting diagnosed with autism could open up more services that can be helpful.  We are open to any testing that could be beneficial, so we started the referral process.

I have heard a lot of people talking about essential oils on facebook and other places.  My daycare provider started telling me that she heard oils can help kids with sensory issues or autism.  I started doing some research and saw a lot of information validating the benefits, so I jumped on the essential oils bandwagon.  I bought mine through Native American Nutritionals after researching all the companies that sell them. We've been using them on Mason for a week now.  It's hard to tell if they are making a difference or if he is just having a good day.  We will see if they help over time.  This is a stretch for me as I am usually a skeptic on things like this. (=



All of these appointments and strategies can make you overwhelmed and second-guess yourself. There is no perfect way to navigate this process.  Since every kid with SPD or autism are all so different, there is no set formula to follow.  So many questions...Should we have gone through our doctor and gotten Mason evaluated for autism earlier?  Are the orthotics going to inhibit his processing of the normal walking sensations too much?  We got tubes put in his ear in May, should we have gotten them earlier or did putting the tubes in mess up his sensory/auditory processing more?  Which OT is more valuable as we won't be able to continue seeing both every week once my insurance restarts in January?  It's important to remember that we make the best decisions with the information that we have at the time.  Hindsight is 20/20, so of course, we are going to wish we did a few things differently while looking back. I am happy with what we have in place for Mason right now and in the future, so I will focus on that!

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Grief, It's What Brings Me Joy

Grief. The word that has continuously ran through my head in this past year.

When I think of the word "grief," I think of the the most major losses in life.  Death of a family member or close friend. Diagnosis of a terminal illnesses.  These are the the overwhelming, all-encompassing grieving experiences that no other person can understand, and it changes your life forever.

In the past, I have felt guilty if I felt "negative" feelings or grieved "smaller" experiences.  I believed my situation wasn't as bad as other peoples' situations, so I had no reason to complain. I felt that grieving or being upset meant that I was not grateful for what I had in life.  I thought that being upset was taking away from those who had more difficult situations to be upset about. I felt that I wasn't trusting in God enough. I look back and realized. I never really grieved. I never really allowed myself to be upset that life was tough.  I never really processed whatever loss I faced.  I just tried to push past the situations as fast as I could feeling like I was being strong and thought I had a lot of faith since I was able to "let go and let God."

I realize now that I was limiting my ability to experience the joy in life.

In my experience, some of the most important things to grieve are your personal dreams and expectations in life.  From smaller life expectations of being sad about canceled plans to big life expectations where someone dreams about being pregnant and can't get pregnant. Whether the grieving process is talking to a friend for an hour or the grieving process is going to counseling to help you through an arduous life long experience that continually triggers grief throughout life, I really believe experiencing the grief in each situation is essential to moving to experiencing the joys of life.

Sometimes friends or family don't know what to say or do when someone is grieving.  It is so hard for people to sit in the pain with you. They care about you, so they want to make it better or somehow make you feel better.  When my brother and sister-in-law moved across the country, others said "at least we have skype nowadays" or "it's a great opportunity for them" or "God always has a plan." Don't get me wrong, those phrases they said could be completely true, and they are really important to remember. I've probably said these to others myself. The problem is they don't validate that the grieving feelings are hard and overwhelmingly sad at times.  It's okay to grieve and feel those negative emotions.  In fact, I would argue that it is so vital to feel those feelings or else you will hold them inside for years without even knowing it.  They fester and come out in other painful ways. Experiencing your grief and getting help from friends and family allows you to truly feel the joy of life.

November 20, 2013 was when one of my dreams and life expectations came crashing down.  As I experienced the physical and emotional pain of delivering my 20 week old stillborn daughter, I kept thinking about how everything had changed.  In reality, the biggest thing that had changed were my dreams and expectations.  I had dreamed about having a daughter for my whole life.  I have an amazing relationship with my own mom and couldn't wait to have the same thing with my own daughter.  I expected to buy adorable leggings and tutus.  I never expected to hold my only daughter as a stillborn in my arms.  To count her fingers and toes then to be left with an emptiness of dreams.

March 2014 was when a tougher grieving process began for us with Mason's diagnosis of pervasive developmental delays and sensory processing disorder.  I didn't expect the journey into the unknown. I didn't expect to take my son to multiple therapists weekly.  I didn't expect to have no clear prognosis in his development.  I didn't expect to have any diagnosis for him much less to be looking at multiple diagnoses. I had dreamt about Mason playing with other kids his age.  I had dreamt about Mason talking to us and saying, "I love you."  I had dreamt about Mason playing outside in our neighborhood with our neighbors.  I dreamt about taking Mason to the fun kid-friendly places that my friends took their kids. Grieving these dreams can be so difficult because every milestone brings another trigger of grief.

There are times when the grief has been overwhelming.  Many times I haven't been healthy in my grieving. Sometimes I don't want to grieve because even that is too much.  There are times when I compare my life and grief to others, which is a dangerous road to go down. Other times I feel guilty for grieving when so many people have it worse.  Then there are times where I just want to wallow in my sad emotions.  I find when I am in one of those times, I experience so much more bitterness and resentfulness to everything.  In those times, I feel bitter seeing a typical two year old tell their mama "I love you."  In those times, I feel bitter about kids trick-or-treating.  In those times, I feel bitter at others for being happy. I hate being bitter and negative.  It's not how I want to live my life.  I know those times don't bring out the best in me as a friend, as a mom, as a wife, or as a person. It's exhausting being around a negative, bitter person. Having those times in the grieving process can be completely normal, but the problem occurs when you get stuck in those times. Healthy grief is being able to move past those time...because those times will come into all of our lives.

Moving past those times is a continual process.  It's a roller coaster where one week I am in a joyful place, and the next week, I fall into bitter grief. It takes so much support to get to a healthy grief.  I am beyond grateful to have that support.  I have an amazing husband who balances me and supports me in whatever I do with no questions asked. I have so many family and friends that I can talk to about everything I am going through.  I have people in my life who will sit in my pain with me without trying to "fix" my pain for me.  I have people in my life who take me out to have fun.

All of this has brought me to a place where I can experience the joys and the happiness in life.  I had to change my expectations and dreams. Mason held his kitty this weekend, pointed to her nose, and said "nose." I'm able to experience the joy in this instead of being bitter that he didn't do this a year ago.  Mason shared a toy with a kid at daycare yesterday.  I am able to experience the joy in this instead of being bitter that he hasn't done this before.  Mason looked at and acknowledged the doctor and physical therapist at his orthotic appointment today then even pulled them over to include them in his play. I am able to joke about the fact that many parents deal with their two year old talking back to them with attitude, but we don't have to experience that since Mason doesn't really talk yet.  I am able to truly feel happiness when I see my sweet two year old nephew sing every word to Raffi songs even though Mason is not able to talk much less sing. I am able to feel the joy of the kicks of my next little son instead of being bitter that it is not my little girl. I know I would not be in this place if I did not allow myself to truly grieve and process my lost dreams and expectations.

I share this with you all because we all have something to grieve in life no matter how big or small you perceive it may be.  The holiday time of year is supposed to be the happiest time of year yet it is a grief trigger for many people. I hope you get the help and support you need to grieve in a healthy way.  I hope you can experience as much happiness in life as I have been able to experience. Thank you for your support of our family as it has helped me grieve. There is so much in my life that I am thankful for. I am so glad that my grief is allowing me to experience joy instead of bitterness.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

3 going on 2...

Mason may have just turned 3, but he is definitely getting into some of the typical 2 year old behaviors.  He is wanting to be more independent, which is great and what we want.  He never went through the "I want to do it" phase of a typical 2 year old.  We are really pushing him to help take his coat off, put on his shoes, etc. He is also figuring out how to get attention more by manipulating situations.  He used to cry when he wanted attention, but now he does things like take his shoes and socks off outside as well as throw things or dump out bins.  It is great that he is using problem solving skills.  Now when I say "great," I really mean "so happy for developmental growth but it is not fun and super stressful at times!"  When things don't go his way, he can have really unsafe tantrums and his comprehension is still really off, which can make recovering from the tantrum quite difficult for him.  I just need to repeat the mantra, "I'm so glad he is growing and developing."  "I'm so glad he is growing and developing."

His three appointments this week went alright.  He was really sleepy for his speech appointment (which Zach came with too), but he was happy through it.  By the end he was happy and interacting a lot with the speech therapist.  It's great that he walks into his future school without melting down now.  I'm so glad our speech therapist suggested meeting at school instead of our house for the last month or two.  We also set up an appointment with an orthotic doctor through his future preschool's physical therapist.

His first OT appointment went similar to his appointment last week.  As usual, he was happy to get there and play.  He did have trouble engaging with the OT at first, but then he started playing with the light box and engaged more with her. It's always great to see him sit and play. It may sound silly, but he doesn't always use toys as they are meant to be used...which is a development task that I didn't know existed.  He also doesn't have any imagination play, which makes playing with toys hard at times.  We have been excited to see progress in this area in the last month or so.  When there was 15 minutes left, he wanted to either go get a sucker, which is what they give when you leave. A big tantrum ensued and no one knew how to get him past it.  It's defeating when you feel like there is not a strategy or solution for the situation and other therapists don't have ideas to help him in the moment. I completely understand that there is no way for them to have a "magic" strategy, but when three adults are looking at each other lost on how to fix the situation, it's tough.  Instead of giving him the sucker when he wanted it, I carried him back downstairs.  We made him put his shoes and coat on then went upstairs to get the sucker and leave.  The OT pushed that we need to make it clear to him that he only goes upstairs to get a sucker and leave when his shoes and coat are on. We will see how it goes next week as Zach will be there too.

His second OT appointment started so great, but it took a rough turn after the first 5-10 minutes.  This OT talked about limiting his pacifier use at the appointment.  He usually gets so disregulated at this appointment that we give it to him.  She was explaining to me that using his paci and using the suck reflex really turns him inward and limits so much engagement with others.  He uses it so much when he is overwhelmed by something, and it can usually really calm him.  Our OT does not want him to use it at appointments, so we can help calm him in other ways when he is feeling overwhelmed.  As I said, he was great at first.  Something didn't go his way (the floor mat was in a different place than it usually was, and he couldn't move it).  He got really disregulated and wanted his paci.  We told him it was "all gone." That caused him to get angry and hit/kick then just cry.  He chewed on his shirt, on my shirt, on his stuffed bunny, on his finger.  He never really got out of this funk.  The OT was able to teach me a reflex technique that can hopefully help him with this oral fixation.  She was also able to work on his feet a lot.  Hopefully working on these reflexes at the appointments can make some progress.

I love having these appointments because I think they are beneficial for Mason, and I learn so much. But, they are really emotionally exhausting.  They push Mason, which it great.  Whenever you push someone past their comfort zone, it's difficult for them.  I hate watching Mason hit these wonderful therapists.  I hate watching Mason cry so sadly and powerlessly.  Now, I think it is vital to face the difficulties of life instead of living in denial.  I try to face everything with Mason head on.  But let me tell you, I so want to bury our heads in the sand sometimes.  It sounds so nice to always stay in our comfortable little Mason world with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, pacifiers, stuffed bunny, blankies, kitties, swings, and nothing challenging.  We definitely let ourselves go to that little comfortable world at times (to keep our sanity).  Then I think, if leaving that world is tough for me sometimes, I can't imagine how tough it is on Mason who does not understand that big scary world out there.

So much growth for our little 3 year old going on 2 year old.  It can be amazing to watch your child overcome so much difficulty in such a short life.  It just makes me love him more for all the happy times he has and that he brings others.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Busy week and Mason's birthday

Last week was crazy busy.  Mason had his usual three appointments.  I was gone for two nights at parent/teacher conferences.  On Saturday, we celebrated Mason's 3rd birthday.

I took Mason to his first OT appointment last Tuesday.  He has never had a tantrum at this appointment since the very first times in June.  Thirty minutes into the appointment, he decided he wanted to get his sucker (they always give kids one as they leave).  The OT and I tried to distract him and tell him that we were going to keep playing.  Mason was having none of that.  He started to go into insane tantrum zone and got a few good hits on the OT (which never makes you feel good as a parent).  This OT had never seen him this disregulated. Unfortunately, we couldn't get him to move past the sucker incident and left the appointment early. He was then mad that we had to leave early because once he had his sucker, he wanted to go back and play.  We wanted to enforce that once you get your sucker, you leave since we were not physically able to stop him from getting the sucker.  It was a disappointing way to end the appointments that are usually a good experience.

Mason's speech appointment was Wednesday, so Zach took him while I was at p/t conferences.  He said it went awesome!  Mason was really regulated and engaged with him and the speech therapist. They took him to his future classroom and met his preschool teacher.  Mason saw the playground outside and tried to leave through the classroom.  They told him they had to go a different way to get outside, which he comprehended and calmly followed them a different way.  That is a big deal for him!  My mom took Mason to his second OT appointment.  He was really regulated and engaged with the OT.  Evidently, she kept talking about how awesome Mason was doing compared to normal. The OT was able to do a lot of body work and played a lot with him.

The common theme that we are noticing is that when I take Mason to appointments by myself, he is much more disregulated.  When Zach or my parents take him, he is completely fine!  Even if they are with me at the appointment, Mason is completely fine.  I don't know what I do or what about my relationship with Mason that makes him more disregulated.  It's frustrating know that my very presence limits what he can get out of an appointment.  It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong or I should do something differently, but there is no clear cut thing to change. Sigh. Zach (and maybe my parents) are going to try to take Mason to more appointments with me or without me.  It's unfortunate because I don't have to take off of work to take him to any appointment, but everyone else would have to take off of work.  It's just another piece to the puzzle of Mason.

Mason's 3rd birthday was Saturday.  It's amazing to think he is 3.  The past 3 years have brought so many changes, especially in the last year.  As much as many of these changes have been so hard to comprehend and accept, I know that it has helped bring us all closer.  We understand Mason more than before, which makes it easier to help him and meet him where he is at.  All I know is that I would not change anything for the world.  I have learned more about love from Mason, which has made my life so much more than I ever thought it could be.

For Mason's birthday, we had some family and friends come over.  We kept the birthday festivities to a minimum since Mason would not understand or enjoy them.  My parents got Mason a swing in the basement, so he loved being in there!  He was happy for most of the party and opened a few gifts.  He definitely felt overwhelmed when everyone looked at him and sang happy birthday, which you can see in the video. After he went to bed, we were able to keep celebrating with our family and friends.  It was a great day.

Here are some pictures and videos from the weekend and of the kittens:

Mason snuggling with Yoda and I after I didn't see him for two days.



The kittens fell asleep in the cupboard.  Mason was very excited to talk to them.



Mason petting Yoda as Yoda tries to steal his cereal.


Mason waiting for grandma and grandpa to come over.  The wait was torturous!


Mason's new basement swing!  He loves it!! We also love it because we could watch the end of the Lions game with Mason happy in the swing.


Mason's birthday party!!  Nate is feeding Yoda nacho cheese.

Mason opening a gift and sitting by grandpa.

Happy birthday Mason! Love you!

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Rough week

It's been one of those weeks. Sometimes things just hit you in different ways.  Mason didn't do anything differently this week.  He was his usual self.  In fact, he had a lot of sweet moments.  Some weeks its easy to take things day by day and focus on the positive things.  Some weeks everything is overwhelming and hard to handle.

We had Mason's IEP on Tuesday, which may be one of the reasons why everything hit us hard this week. The meeting went great though. We got to meet his future preschool teacher and had a tour of the school.  We met with his current speech therapist and the placement coordinator to go through his testing results and goals for Mason once he starts preschool in January.  Mason has definitely grown a lot in the last 6 months since we began services through Early On.  There are four areas that they measured and where Mason will receive services from special education. His receptive communication (understanding of communication) moved from 6-9 months developmentally to 14-20 months.  His expressive communication (words and actions to communicate with others) moved from 9-12 months developmentally to 17-23 months. His social and emotional skills are measuring scattered up to 24 months.  The new area is his gross motor skills. They range from 18-24 months. His ankles roll inward, he stands on the arch of his feet, and his feet are turned outward.  They will talk to us more about maybe putting him in orthotics.  Mason's body and movements are quite clumsy and immature.  It's great hearing what they are going to do for Mason, but it just looks overwhelming to see all the areas he needs help in.

His two OT appointments this week went pretty well.  He always loves playing at his first OT.  He didn't have any "insane" tantrums at the second appointment.  He definitely had a bunch of tantrums wanting to leave the room though.  I will take any tantrum that doesn't reach what I term "insane tantrum" status.  The last 30 minutes were really great though.  He completely calmed and laid on the OT as she was able to do a lot of body work with his auditory processing reflexes.

Halloween and other "normal" kid things always amplify the differences and struggles with Mason too. He doesn't like to wear costumes.  He doesn't even remotely understand what Halloween or a holiday is. He tantrums when we walk outside in a different order than we usually do.  He has no idea that his birthday is next weekend.  He wouldn't like a party. He generally ignores new people. He doesn't enjoy normal kid activities. It's hard watching others do things with their kids that we would love to do with Mason.  Simple things like saying "trick or treat" or walking from house to house without a major meltdown.  Last year before we knew what was going on with Mason, I remember trying to get Mason to do some Halloween traditions.  It was awful.  He tantrumed through everything.  This year, we just put a Micky Mouse on and put him to bed on time.  It was less stress, but it didn't make me less sad about not walking out in the blistering cold watching your kid happily or even have normal tantrums through the Halloween traditions.

I am so grateful for all the people who will be helping Mason.  I'm thankful that there is a school and a great team of teachers that are going to work with him,  To be very honest though, I just feel quite overwhelmed and defeated about it at times.  There are so many areas Mason needs help in.  There are so many people and services that are needed to help him through this. There are so many people we need to rely on. There are so many unknowns about his future.  There is a so much stress figuring this all out.  There is no way to know what the right decisions always are and there are so many decisions to always have to make. There are so many complexities to Mason and to the whole process.

I want you to know that we are hopeful, but I think it's important to be honest about how overwhelming this all is for us.  I know that others are going through so many more heavy things than we are as a family.  My heart always goes out to them.  I am always grateful for amazing love from family and friends.

It's been a heavy week.  I don't know how else to describe it.  I find it so strange that through everything, I can't even wish for Mason to not be Mason.  I can't help but completely love every single part of who he is.  I don't get it.  I know the love of a mother is powerful...but I truly understand that the love of a mother of a special needs child like Mason is all-encompassing.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Weekend pictures

We had a fun weekend with Mason.  It was low key.  Uncle Jason and cousin Bo came over Saturday. Sunday we enjoyed the fall weather at the park.  Here are some pictures:

Mason loves to go to his bedroom after we get home from daycare/work or when he is overwhelmed by something.  He just puts all his blankets on himself, has us read books, and just snuggle.  It's pretty awesome.

I don't even know if Mason knew he was playing with the cats.  He just enjoyed biting the string of the cat toy.

I just think this is the sweetest of Mason and Yoda.  We were actually in the other room and heard his "kitty voice" saying "hiiiii."  Glad we caught the picture in time.
 Mason was so excited to balance his light up toy.  Random.

 Yoda snuggling with Zach playing video games.
Trying Mason in his Halloween costume.  He didn't want to move in it though.  I had to cut out the feet of the costume since they annoyed him.  Hoping he will wear it happily this weekend...
So Mason is obsessed with cereal.  He loves the crunch.  He picked out Captain Crunch himself this week...and proceeded to hug the box and point at the captain on the box the rest of the time at Meijer. Funny boy.

 So he saw a balloon at Meijer then I made Zach get one for him because I love spoiling Mason.  The kittens loved it too.

 Mason loved his dominoes this weekend.  He kept putting them on his face and eyes.  Something about all those dominoes.

 Uncle Jason left his sunglasses at our house.  Mason had fun with them...sorry about the smudges Uncle Jason.
 Yoda!
 I know this is the most terrible quality picture ever, but I am just happy I (kind of) captured Mason giving Yoda a hug.
 Mason loved the time at the park in the swing.

 Mason's face is so cute and sweet in these next two pictures that I had to share.

 Mason and his love for sand.  There is a sand volleyball court at the park we go to.  He rolled around for a while there.  Put his face in the sand.  Then had a huge tantrum when we had to go.


 Today, I had a late meeting at work and didn't get home until 6:30pm.  Zach said he sat at the window saying "mama" over and over.
 When I got home, he grabbed my hand, pointed to the couch, and said "sii" for me to sit and snuggle him on the couch.  I was happy with how clear all of his communication was with me. He sat with me the rest of the night until he went to bed. He seriously is the cutest boy ever!